1524790831581 - Food controlled me for 15 years: It was my deep dark secret

Food controlled me for 15 years: It was my deep dark secret

I spent the better part of 15 years actively practising my addiction to food. This addiction manifested into a binge eating disorder.

When I noticed my body didn’t look the way I thought it should once I hit puberty, I decided something had to be done. Thus, my extremely unhealthy relationship with food began.

I managed to keep to a normal size – never becoming obese or underweight – so those I associated with didn’t really know anything was going on. It was my deep dark secret.

I had periods of control around food, but these became harder and harder to maintain.

READ MORE:
* Binge, purge, weigh-in, repeat
* Food addicts reveal how they overcame addiction
* Food ‘like meth’ to addicts
* A day in the life of a food addict

It was hard work projecting an image of being “successfully in control of my life”, when my mind was completely obsessed with my weight, my size, and how “you” saw me and what “you” thought of me.

I was obsessed with how I was going to get the food I was craving, and how I was going to hide what I was doing – all the while promising myself I’d start again tomorrow and this time I would never overeat again.

No matter what goal I set myself – like trying to be the right size for my friend’s 21st, losing weight for summer, or sticking to a diet – the weight always came back on when I just couldn’t hold out any longer.

So, along with eating enormous quantities of food, and then trying to eat as little as possible to make up for my binging, my weight was continually going up or down between 5kg and 10kg.

When I believed I could no longer handle the mental war I waged every day, I turned to Overeaters Anonymous. It was there I learned that my problem was actually an addiction to food – once I took the first compulsive bite, I simply couldn’t stop.

I grew to accept I could not beat this affliction alone. I needed the support of others who had the same problem and who had recovered.

The Overeaters Anonymous program and literature gave me the tools to not only stop harmful eating, but to stay stopped.

I am so happy to say that with this invaluable support, I have been able to arrest my binge eating disorder, maintain a healthy body weight, and find happiness and joy in my life.

I found a solution that works.

WHERE TO GET HELP FOR EATING DISORDERS:

1737 – free call or text 24 hours a day to talk to a counsellor

Healthline – 0800 611 116, available 24/7

EDANZ – 0800 2 EDANZ – Support for those with loved ones dealing with an eating disorder

If you suspect you are suffering from an eating disorder, see your GP immediately. They can refer you to one of the specialist services in your region. In an emergency, call 111.

If it is an emergency or you, or someone you know, is at risk call 111.

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